T’internet has let me down. I was hoping to find a convincingly authoritative site about the psychology behind toddlers’ drawings and/or colour associations. Nothing... Come on hippy, psycho-babbler bloggers, get with it.

It’s all because of two-year-old Alpha Blondie’s drawings this week. I should really say ‘portraits’ rather than drawings - the kid made me pose for them.

‘Mummy, you stand, I draw you. Stand up! Stand! Stand UP!’

‘Alright, alright, I hear you...’ *jeez*

Then he grabbed a pen and scored black lines down the page. After a few seconds I assumed he was just scribbling and I wandered off, but...

‘Mummy! You STAND, I DRAWING you.’

I froze. This is all new for Alphie, one of those sudden developments that signals a new door opening in the brain: yesterday - he scribbled, today - he represents what he sees.

The question is, what does he see? And that’s why I want an art psychologist...

Over and over again, he draws Mummy with dozens of legs and even more eyes. For the most part, I am brown.

Then he gets another piece of paper and draws an orange blob, which is Mummy, then a purple blob for himself and a yellow blob for his big sister. Daddy is blue. He inspects it for a while and then says, ‘No,’ and changes the Mummy blob from orange to brown. So I am definitely brown.