Contrary to what modern parenting books would have you believe, toddlers are not that bright. Alright, there are moments when their precocious smarts make an impression. Alpha Blondie has mastered the English language in two years, while after six summers in Switzerland I still speak German to about the level of a Dachshund. Four-year-old Curly Girlie has got around the problem of not being able to read by memorizing all her books off by heart, while just now I had to sit and stare at the back end of Wordpress for over six minutes until I remembered the word 'precocious'.

But even cutting them some slack for being on something of a steep learning curve, this photo proves that toddlers may appear sophisticated when really they're about as canny as a large flightless bird.

'Coming, ready or not...'